• Growing up •

I watched Peter Pan again recently and It got me thinking about growing up. Is it scary? What if it doesn't work out the way I had planned it in my head? 

Adults worry about so much and one day that'll be me and I think do I really want that? The more I think about it the more I don't want to grow up.

 The responsibilities and the level of maturity thats expected isn't something I want to go by but it's what society expects. 

In Peter Pan, Peter couldn't love Wendy the way she wanted him to and I fear that'll be me and someone else in that situation. Always feeling like I'm unloved and unwanted and it's something I dread. 

To children Peter Pan is thrilling and adventurus and it makes them feel like they never want to grow up

But to us teenagers and soon to be adults it's more than that, it's eye-opening and to me especially it makes me fear the rest of my life and I never thought that'd happen to me. Is this the way many teenagers feel or is it just me ? 

I don't want to grow up and to feel old, I don't want to reach that point where I see teenagers and what they did and do wreckless and stupid because I know they're in my position and they're trying to make the most of what time that they have to be like that. They fear the future just like I did.

The way I think about it is that my happiness depends on how much I'm loving life. So sitting around a desk for the majority of my life working a okay job wouldn't cut it. I know I could be out exploring and traveling and seeing the world like I had dreamed about. 

I just don't want my happiness to be compromised for the sake of others who wouldn't waste a second to think about me. I don't want to stay here and feel unwanted and unloved.

I guess I fear life itself, because no one really knows what's around the corner. 

I fear everything because there's always a risk I'll feel sadness or pain or pure joy and it's something I don't know if I can stick around and face.

-A